


Working Hard or Hardly Working?

by AdventurousLadder



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Davidson has a trumpet, F/M, Fire Drill, Fluff, Workplace, Younger Alice, beanies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2020-10-18 12:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20639402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdventurousLadder/pseuds/AdventurousLadder
Summary: Welcome to the local Hatchetfield bois' office. What wacky hijinks will they come up with next?And you're watching Disney channel*Draws Disney Channel logo in the air*





	1. Chapter 1

"I just don't think anybody listens to me anymore." Mr. Davison puts his hand on his chin squinting his eyes at Melissa. She was on her phone thanking her roommate for getting her some new noise-canceling headphones. Definitely not listening to whatever he was saying. "Melissa?"

"What?"

"Do you have any idea how to get your colleagues to listen to what I, their boss, would have to say?" she thought for a moment. She did need a reason to give her new headphones a try.

"You play an instrument?"

Davidson pondered for a second. "Why it's been ages since I touched my old trumpet."

"Perfect." she put down her phone. "Bring it tomorrow. Everyone would love to hear you play." Mr. Davidson looked out of his office window thoughtfully._ Everyone in the office doing what they were supposed to. But not a single of them listens to me._

"Thank you, Melissa. You may leave now."

He looked back up at her but she was gone.

* * *

"Bill! Does your daughter play Roblox?" Ted called out to his coworker.

"Yes she does." he responded hesitantly.

"They have these things called Robux and this email says that you could get some for free." he looked happy and pointed at his emails.

"I think that's a scam." Paul replied looking over for a second. Seeing as the email address was xXx_fReE-rObUx69420_xXx@hotmail.com, his statement could be justified. "Melissa?" he called out. But she was wearing her new headphones today. They were big, black, and pretty clunky as they were almost the size of her head. But most of all, they were working pretty well.

"Melissa?!"

No response.

"Me-"

He was interrupted by an ear-splitting trumpet rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner in the key of F Major that could wake even the dead.

"Hello everyone!" Mr. Davidson stepped out of his office with his trumpet in one hand. Everyone was looking quite shaken. Charlotte has even fallen out of her chair. "We have a fire drill later, thanks!"

As he left, Charlotte scrambled up her chair Ted helping her up.

"Hey." he whispered.

"What?"

"You know that grandmother who's funeral I brought you to?"

"Yeah?" she tried to get back to work. But she couldn't.

"Turns out she's alive and got a massive fortune in Guadalupe and with my personal information, I could get half of her money which is around five million dollars if I recall correctly."

"Ted that's a scam." she turned her chair to look at him. She recalled the funeral. It was clearly not a good time for either of them.

"We could finally run away. We could meet her in Guadalupe and start our lives over together." he was kneeling on the ground looking up at her on her chair, presumably to hide from his other coworkers. His eyes pleading in a way.

"But Sam...?"

"Forget him."

"Ted, it's a scam. Could you quiet down a bit?" Bill yelled from a cubicle away.

"Well, why don't you-"

**WEEE WOOO WEEE WOOO WEEE WOOO**

Everyone stood up hurriedly and started booking it out of the office. Ted feeling interrupted plopped down and refused to move. _This drill was stupid anyway._

"Paul!" Charlotte called out for Paul who is almost out the door pointing at Ted on the floor sitting cross-legged like an annoyed toddler. He ran to her and pulled him up and practically dragged him out refusing to speak to him or anyone else in the room.

The second they all reached the parking lot, they all stood bewildered since nobody knew if this was merely a drill.

But then Baby Shark for Trumpet in C Major rang through the company parking lot followed by Mr. Davidson running towards them at full speed. Everyone covered their ears at soon as they heard. But it was no use.

"Everyone don't panic!" he bellowed. Everyone's ears were still covered. "This is not a drill. Something is actually on fire but the fire department is on the way in around half an hour." Paul seemed to have realized something as his eyes fled across the room.

"Where's Melissa?" Paul asked feeling his breathing speed up and everything was getting blurry. Bill approached him and patted him on the back to ease his breathing.

"It's okay, Paul."

"H- Half an hour? She'd be dead!" he shook Bill around. Bill returned the shaking and shook Paul back.

"She's probably in the bathroom. She'll be fine." Bill reassured Paul.

"Why in the world is the office on fire anyway?!" Ted yelled at Mr. Davidson who right now was hiding a guilty face.

"Well, it all happened a little while ago..."

* * *

A Little While Ago

  


* * *

"Melissa, no one seems to be listening to me even if I brought my trumpet in." He looked at her. She had removed her headphones since she just came back from the bathroom. "In fact, they seem to be covering their ears more."

"You know what? Scared people are listening people."

"But what makes your little friends scared?"

"I don't know." she looked out to the little office cubicles. "Paul is scared of fire. I remember when we were kids, he almost ate a raw burger because the grill was too spooky."

"Perfect, Melissa."

"No problemo, amigo." she left his office shooting finger guns the whole way out.

Mr. Davidson opened his desk drawer to reveal a zippo lighter. He went to a trash can and figured that burning the paper would do nothing but open up more space for their trash. But what he didn't expect was for the trash can to set a box of trash next to the trash can to catch fire as well.

* * *

Back to the Parking Lot

  


* * *

"You set your trash on fire? Melissa's desk is right next to that!" Paul stood up pulling Mr. Davidson up by the collar by an inch.

"Woah! No!" Bill tried to pull Paul off of Mr. Davidson. But he was too weak so he had to enlist the help of Charlotte which somehow gave them enough combined strength to pull him off.

Luckily, the fire department arrived and put out the fire before it even left Mr. Davidson's office. All that was destroyed was the trash can and a plant pot full of soil. They were then allowed to return to work before the firefighter told Mr. Davidson how to prevent fire in the office.

"Melissa?!" Paul ran into the office to see Melissa still working on her computer with her clunky noise-canceling headphones oblivious to Paul's absolute fear.

"Yeah?" she took out her headphones for the first time all day.

"Oh my God. I thought you died" he pulled her into a hug. She patted him on the back.

"There there, baby boy." his discomfort making him pull out of the hug.

"Melissa?" Bill asked from across the room.

"Yeah?" She responded.

"Ted's got a couple more scam emails recently. Can you block them?"

"Yeah, in a minute." she went to look at what emails he was being sent and what he was sending. Her eyes widened.

"What?" Paul asked.

"They're pretty bad." she said before Paul returned to his cubicle.

* * *

"I'm telling you, they're legitimate this time." Ted pleaded with Charlotte in the break room. He was fixing up coffee for the two of them. He was currently stirring up an Americano for himself since Charlotte was already drinker hers.

"I think we need a little more time to think this through." Charlotte said leaving the room leaving Ted alone with his coffee. He gave it a little sip and returned to his desk. He saw Melissa with an envelope in one hand.

"What is this?"

"That person was not your grandmother." he shook his head in disbelief. "He is a 23-year-old man in Michigan. I reported him to the police and this is the police report. I also removed him off your email list. Don't worry about it."

"But she came..."

"I'm sorry, Ted." Charlotte entered his cubicle. "I knew how much this meant to you." she gave him a little hug as Melissa left the two to deal with their obvious issues.

"Don't worry about it. I was the stupid one." he sighed and went back to work. "Please go back to work."

"But Ted...?" she couldn't help herself but feel sorry for the guy. He was still shaking trying to recover from whatever the heck that was.

"I'm okay. It's fine."

"I brought you a little something." she opened her purse and gave him a little piece of sugar cane.

"What's this?"

"It's one of Guadalupe's biggest exports."

"Thank you for this." Ted pulled her into a deep hug before she returned to her cubicle.

* * *

"You actually thought I died?" Melissa giggled as Paul recounted the day's events in the elevator on the way home.

"Yeah, I came pretty close to killing Davidson a little while ago."

The elevator door then opened revealing Mr. Davidson, trumpet in hand.

"I brought it just like you told me." Mr. Davidson proudly showed off his trumpet.

"Yeah, it sounded really great." Melissa complimented him despite not hearing a single note from his trumpet all day.

"How would you feel about Jingle Bells?" Mr. Davidson eyed Paul almost forcing him to respond.

"Of course." he sighed and got off at the next floor leaving Mr. Davidson and Melissa alone in the elevator for the rest of the ride.

"Damn you Matthews!" was all Melissa could muster as Mr. Davidson played the rest of his repertoire by memory.


	2. Chapter 2

"Can I please call Charlotte to my office?" Mr. Davidson bellowed across the quiet office. Charlotte walked up shaking. Did I do something wrong?. She went into his office and did not expect to see a huge whiteboard with Mr. Davidson with a marker in hand, ready to teach her or something like that.

"What is this?" She asked, sitting down in a chair in his office.

"I have noticed recently that you have been turning into something more like a..." he drew a big rectangle on the whiteboard. He wrote the word 'WELCOME' on it with big letters. "Kind of like a doormat."

"Sorry..." her words faltered as he continued drawing a stick figure of a woman and put an equal sign between her and the doormat.

"That's just the thing!" he swiped his arm across the board, effectively taking out half of his masterpiece. "You apologize too much!"

"Sorry."

Davidson facepalmed. "You have to be more assertive." He went close to her, about ten centimeters from her face. "Come on, slap me in the face."

"What?"

"Do it!" he yelled. In her shock, she slapped him weakly seeing as his face didn't even move a single bit.

"I'm so sorry!" she cried out.

Davidson shook his head and went back to his 'boss chair'. "You're fired."

"What?"

* * *

"What do you think is going on in there?" Ted asked Bill gesturing to Mr. Davidson's office. He was wincing as he could hear a woman scream from his office. _It's probably Charlotte, what the heck.._ His little friend, on the other hand, was bouncing frantically in his chair probably in excitement.

"Oh, I don't know." he responded barely paying attention to what was going on.

"Is something coming up?"

"In a couple of minutes, I'll be going to my daughter's camp to chaperone!" he smiled. "She'll be there. All her friends will be there. I'm sure we're gonna have some fun for once!"

"All right see you around." Ted said glancing at Davidson's office's window. He's never seen that whiteboard before. He then looked back at his work and saw the same scam email about his dead grandmother. "Melissa?!" he called out. But she wasn't there today. "Where in the world is Melissa?! Paul?" he looked around seeing as it was only him in the office today. He went outside for a break.

* * *

"Melissa, we're gonna be late. I think I know a shortcut" Paul pointed at the street. They were indeed running late. Melissa had forgotten to pick Paul up from his house and only realized upon arriving in the company parking lot.

"No problem. I have my own shortcut." she began going their normal way except she was driving faster. A little too fast.

"Melissa, we're gonna get caught for speeding!" Paul said pointing at the police car behind them.

"Paul Matthews, you have just signed up for the most epic car chase of your life." she floored the accelerator and led a single police car on a chase for around a block until they ran out of gas. "Oh damn, I guess you're going to jail now."

"What?!" was all Paul could say as Melissa cranked down her window to reveal Sam.

"Hey guys." he said eyeing them both. "I think I need to give you guys a quick ride to the station while they fill your car up."

They both sat glued to their seats.

"I need you both to step out of the vehicle." he motioned to his police car and they both entered the back seat.

* * *

"What do you mean I can't be with my daughter?" Bill was fuming for probably the first time in his life. "I'm her father."

"Yes. But you are a man." a woman said glaring at Bill.

"Then why is there a mother with the other boys?" he pointed at another group of boys with a mother as their chaperone.

"That is because there weren't enough fathers that attended."

"Then why are there two fathers with that one group?" he pointed at another group.

"Sir, you cannot be with a group of little girls that you do not know. That is simply unacceptable."

"I know them! They're my daughter and her friends, right?"

"But we are not to trust a man with a group of little girls." she pointed at him "We don't know what you are capable of."

"She's my daughter! I would never!"

"We don't know that."

"I know my daughter well. She wants to have fun here. So I hope she has fun. But I will not accept that you believe that I am capable of doing such horrendous acts to my daughter and her friends." he went back to his car fuming.

* * *

"Paul, I have a plan." she winked and took off her cardigan.

"Melissa." he paused and instinctively flinched. "You are not that hot."

"Don't worry. That's not it." she reached into her purse and pulled out a fake wedding ring. "He has a wife. I have one too. I think that would give us enough common ground."

Paul took one look at the ring to see the letters 'BFF' engraved on the outside of the ring. It looked like a ring he saw at Claire's a week ago when he had to accompany Alice and her friends to see Coco. "Is that from Claire's"

"Why of course. Catching on now, are we?" she pulled out some baby powder from her purse. "Come here, I have to make you look older." she pulled him closer to her "You have to be my Dad."

"I will not do that!" he pulled away from her. She put the baby powder back into her purse and she slouched a little bit.

"bUt WoUlD hE aRrEsT a HuMbLe ToUrIsT?" she said with a fake British accent that would put young American Harry Potter fans to shame.

"I think you've spoken to him before." he looked at a mirror in the interrogation room. "I also recall you mentioning how single you were to him one time." she gave him a weak punch to the arm.

* * *

"Hello there." Melissa gave Sam an elevator gaze. He looked lost. "You need to arrest anyone?"

"I'm here to see my wife, Charlotte." he said. "I don't really know where her office is."

"Oh, you have a wife? I am in dire need of a partner as well." she flashed her hands showing the lack of a ring.

"Okay." he paused. "But where is she?"

"The one in the corner." she pointed vaguely. "You won't miss it." she thought for a second. "If you have any police friends, I am down to get to know them!" she yelled too loudly making a couple of heads turn. One of which, Paul's. Luckily, he knew better and went back to work.

* * *

"Then what do you want me to do?" she gave him her purse.

"I don't want your purse." he politely refused. "I'm calling Charlotte. She can get us out of this" and he got out his phone. "Hi, Charlotte. Do you have a minute?"

* * *

"Come on, fire me!" Mr. Davidson yelled at Charlotte who was two centimeters from a mental breakdown.

"You're fired!" she yelled.

"Now look me in the eye and tell me I'm fired!"

"You're fired!" she repeated once more. Her phone started ringing. It was Paul

"Pick it up."

"Okay."

"Hey, Charlotte. Do you have a minute?"

"Tell him off." Mr. Davidson glared.

"What?" Charlotte responded to Mr. Davidson.

"I was asking if you had a minute."

Mr. Davidson nodded at her as if to say 'yell at him. make him regret ever keeping your phone number in his contacts.'

"No! I do not! I do not have a minute to speak with you! I am very busy and you are wasting my time!"

"Now hang up!" Mr. Davidson ordered. She did as she was told.

* * *

"Was that Charlotte?" Sam entered the room to see a shocked Paul and Melissa. He gave a little sigh in disbelief. "When you see her at work later, tell her to speak that way more often." he took off his hat and fanned himself.

"Anyways, I kind of relate to you." Melissa responded flashing her fake wedding ring.

"I know that's fake, Melissa." Sam put his hat back on.

"Damn it!"

"Hi, Paul."

"Hi." he says weakly.

"I didn't really bring you guys here to arrest you guys." Paul and Melissa let out a sigh of relief. "I was just really bored. You know crime rates are all the way down recently. I also can't use any of these handcuffs. They're really old and stained but I need to wait a week for some fresh ones to arrive. I also got your car to the gas station. They're bringing it over in a bit."

"So what are you doing now?" Melissa asked putting her cardigan back on.

"I'm letting you guys off with a warning. If your boss wants to ask you guys why you guys are late tell him that you had a loving conversation with the hottest policeman." they both got up. "Oh yeah, Paul? Can you please mention to Charlotte to speak like that more often. That was quite the ride."

* * *

Bill stormed into the office and sat down in his seat. Ted approached him with a sandwich.

"Back from camp so soon?"

"No! Those women had the gall to insinuate that I would do inappropriate things to my daughter and her friends!"

"Really? You?" he gave him the sandwich. "You are the last person I would think of that would possibly do that."

"Thank you Ted." Bill said as he ate the sandwich. It was a BLT except the bacon was not even cooked at all. He spat it out. "Sorry about that. The bacon wasn't cooked."

"You were supposed to cook th-" he was interrupted by the sounds of Paul and Melissa entering since she threw her things down on her desk.

Paul sat down to work but Melissa stormed into Mr. Davidson's office. "What the hell, Charlotte?!"

"Oh my word, I'm so sorry!" she cried as Mr. Davidson shook his head.

"We almost got arrested by your husband!" Paul rushed in to support Charlotte.

"He wasn't going to arrest us by the way. He just gave us a warning and filled our car up with gas." this didn't seem to calm her down but it did render Melissa speechless.

Charlotte took one look at Mr. Davidson who gave her a little nod. That was all it took for her to unleash her fury.

"I think you're very much wrong. My Sam would never do such a thing. If he did, there must be quite the valid reason for that." she said with the same condition that Sam would wish she used more often.

"Sorry about that." Melissa said as Paul led her out to her desk.

"How did that feel?" Mr. Davidson asked Charlotte he disassembled the whiteboard. " You let it out."

"I hate it." she said leaving the room and plopping down on her desk to finally do some work today.

"You left?" Paul said. "So who's with Alice now?"

"Her friend's mom." he sighed.

"You free tonight?"

"Apparently now I am."

"How does bowling and tacos sound? You could bring Ted or something." Paul suggested.

"We do not speak of bowling." Ted stood up facing Paul, intimidating him.

"Why don't we speak of bowling?"

"You don't know anything, do you?!" Ted replied before leaving to take a break once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> I am taking requests!


	3. Chapter 3

"Zoey?!" Emma struggled to the back room which was just an employee bathroom that had its toilet removed due to popular demand "I need some help."

"I'm sorry, Emma. But I don't think you know how busy I am right now." Zoey said before getting back to belting out 'that one part of Wait For Me II' at the top of her lungs.

Emma went back to the cash register her foot in too much pain for some reason and saw Paul who entered happily. Too happily today.

"Hi what can I get you?"

"Hi, can I have one black coffee, please." Paul ordered his usual in the small coffee shop. He clearly came in here often.

"What's your name, sir?"

"Paul."

"So, Paul..." everyone's favorite cute little barista said writing his name on the side of the cup. "I'm actually in a pickle right now."

"Okay."

"I need someone to cover for me for the next hour or so." she started to make her drink. "My foot really hurts right now and I have homework due in right after my shift." she limped over to open to counter to let Paul in.

"You want me to work here?" Paul asked. This surely was illegal and he did not want another trip to the police department especially since Sam probably got his new handcuffs in.

"Yeah, just for an hour or so." she let him inside the counter. "If you do it, I will pay for anything you're ordering next week. I could spell your name right or wrong or whatever you want, Paul."

"Okay." he said receiving a green apron. She took his blazer and threw it somewhere in their backroom. She got out her cane and gave him a small book.

"Here's all the recipes for the coffee." she gestured to all of the coffee machines. "I think you can just Google the shit you don't know."

"Okay." he looked at her cane. "What happened to your foot?" he asked so that she would at least spare more information about this second job that came out of seemingly nowhere.

"Stairs are really sharp. And this..." she pointed at her cane. "...is because it is under 9s football season." she caught his uncomfortable gaze. "So have fun!" she said in her customer service voice.

Paul was left alone at the counter. He could hear singing in the distance. This time, however, it was more 'First Burn but I'm trying to be all five people at the same time.'

* * *

"Bill, do you have any idea why I brought you into my office?"

"No." Bill replied.

"Did you know that I prefer eating my bread with hummus?"

"Yes?"

"THEN DID YOU STEAL MY BREAD, BILL?!" he yelled slamming his fists on his desk. His pens shook much like Bill who was quite shook as well. "Did you know that stealing is a possible felony?!"

"I did not take your bread." he calmly replied.

"Then who would?"

"I don't know!" he looked outside of his office window. He eyed everyone in the office noticing Paul's absence. "Where's Paul?"

"He's at Beanies, I think."

* * *

"Can I have one vanilla latte?" a nicer middle-aged woman asked for her order.

"Is that everything?" Paul asked processing the order. He then retreated to the side to make this woman's order to the sound of 'Michael in the Bathroom but you can't tell if I'm just singing in the middle of a mental breakdown.' He was unfortunately aware that there were other people working at this coffee shop. So he came to the conclusion that Emma was singing.

"Emma, I need you to-" Zoey burst out of the backroom to see Paul giving a woman her vanilla latte. "Who the hell are you?!" she raised an accusatory finger as the woman left the cafe leaving a little extra tip in the tip jar.

"Hi, I'm Paul." he greeted her.

"No, like you aren't you the guy Emma-"

"I never said anything!" Emma bolted in as fast as a person with a cane could go.

"Whoever you are," she gave him an elevator gaze. "You're fired!"

"Okay." Paul said taking off his apron and gave it to her. He even took off the little visor that he had to put on for some reason.

"Thanks, Paul!" Emma waved him goodbye.

"No problem." Paul said as he hurried away and left.

Zoey turned to look at Emma. "Was that the guy?"

"The guy?" she paused to think for a moment "There is no guy?"

"I'm not so sure about that." Zoey said before leaving Emma alone at the counter once more.

"But you can't-"

"Yes, I can sweetie. I have auditions tomorrow." she said shutting the door.

* * *

"Did you know that I prefer my hummus with white bread?" Mr. Davidson asked.

"No." Melissa said standing up, presumably to get out of here.

"Did you eat my bread?" he asked.

"I have celiac." Melissa answered.

"Sorry for your loss."

"What?" she thought for a second. "That just means I can't eat gluten like bread and stuff."

"Oh." he slouched in his chair sadly. "You may leave."

Melissa left leaving Mr. Davidson alone in his office. That meant only one thing. _Monologuing Time_

"How dare they. I give them their jobs, pay them money, and expect nothing in return except for them to respect my own personal belongings. Was it my fault that I brought the bread into a shared area? Or is it my fault that I chose to eat bread in the presence of some like Melissa, who may perish in the presence of this bread. But what must I do in this horrible time of adversity?" a lightbulb went off in his head. "I must do what is right. I mustn't be afraid." he peeked out his window to see everyone in the office working. "LET'S GET THIS BREAD!"

* * *

"Paul, what took you so long?" Bill asked receiving his nice caramel frappe.

"Traffic was horrible." Paul responded before letting out a decent sigh.

"Bullshit!" Melissa called out from her desk. "You can't drive."

"So I kinda got fired from a second job-"

"Paul! DID YOU STEAL MY BREAD?" Mr. Davidson barged out of his office. He looked ready to stab someone if he didn't find his bread thief.

"No, sir." he retreated to his office to begin work for the first time today.

"Oh, bread?" Charlotte scooted out of her cubicle holding a loaf of white bread on her lap "It's right here. Was it yours?"

"You took my bread, Charlotte?" Mr. Davidson looked heartbroken. She nodded and gave him the bread anticlimactically. "But why?"

"Oh, the bread was never for me." she started. "I just thought that you had around three full loaves of bread around the office that if I borrowed a couple of slices which I was planning to replace, I could feed some cats near my home."

"But Charlotte," Mr. Davidson inched closer grabbing her by the shoulders. "What if they have celiac disease?"

"Sorry?"

"Celiac disease. Like Melissa. You could have been poisoning these cats for ages!"

"I don't think they're capable of-"

"Don't cut me off, woman!" he let her go. "Just ask me next time." he shook the half loaf he was given. "I guess I shouldn't be letting this _poison_ anywhere near the office anytime soon."

* * *

"You would steal bread? For cats?" Ted asked Charlotte once she returned to her cubicle.

"Yes." she paused. "I believe they deserve at least two full meals a day just like us."

"Meals?" Ted thought for a second. "I never actually thought about that."

"What do you mean?"

"You know, I would just eat an entire pizza in my bedroom by myself every night." he squinted. "I mean, have you seen me eat around here?"

"Actually, no I haven't." she furrowed her brows. "But that's not very good for you is it?"

"Well if it works." he sighed.

"I think it doesn't." she started clicking opening new tabs in her browser. "I'm taking you to dinner tonight." he pouted like an infant. "So I'm sorry you aren't eating your pizza alone in your room."

"Don't you have a man to attend to?"

"Since when did you care?"

"Since you tried turning him into me!" he cursed to himself and left the office to take a break.

Charlotte sat frozen. She looked at the clock._ How is it five o'clock already?_. But she knew one thing is for sure.

_I'm gonna take this man to dinner._

* * *

"You got fired?" Melissa chuckled as they went down the elevator. "You naughty boy!"

"Please don't say that." Paul looked over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching. Considering this was a closed elevator, that might not be necessary.

"Hey remember when we stole this bad boy?" Melissa playfully elbowed Paul.

"We did not steal your car."

"Did to."

* * *

*2009*

"Is it just me or does that car say 'free' in the window?" Paul asked.

"Oh yes, it does." Melissa entered the car which was unlocked, of course. She looked to see that the key was in the car as well. She motioned for Paul to enter. "I guess this is a free car."

"I hope you know what you're doing." Paul said putting on his seatbelt as Melissa drove both of them on the way home.

* * *

"You're leaving out the part where we almost got arrested."

"Why would be arrested for taking in a free car?" she started to drive out of the parking lot. "Those cops were just looking for a bunch of kids to arrest."

"Yeah, you're probably right." he looked into the back seat of the car. It was empty like always. But there was a little box in there that they never bothered to touch since they got the car. "This car is pretty sketchy, though"

"Yeah." she started " You know, I found a gun in here the night we got this bad boy?"

"You have a _gun_ in here?" Paul looked at her with utmost fear in his eyes.

"Yeah." she shrugged it off. "It's in the back. Don't worry about it. I haven't touched it in a decade."

"A decade?!"

* * *

Charlotte drove by the entrance of their office building where Ted was smoking.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"I'm getting you dinner!" Charlotte replied chipper as ever. Ted shook his head but still went in her car.

"So," he paused. "Where are you taking me?"

"I'm taking you to this restaurant downtown. I think you'll like it."

Ted simply nodded in response as Charlotte drove to the restaurant.

The restaurant was not too far away from their office but far enough that Ted is not aware of its existence. It was nice but only moderately nice diner next to what can only be described as the most suspicious alley the town had to offer.

"It's a little diner my parents run. It's not pizza per se, but I think it's a step up." they entered the diner together and Charlotte chose a little booth in the corner. The waiter gave them their menus but before Ted could even open his menu, Charlotte already began to order. "One special dinner for two, please." she caught Ted's confused gaze. "We'll have two diet cokes as well, please."

"Alright, that is one special dinner with two diet cokes. Is that correct, ma'am?"

"Yes it is." the waiter left the two of them.

"May I ask why you brought me here?" Ted said.

"I just wanted to have a nice dinner with someone for once." she shrugged, he tilted his head.

"Don't you have Sam?"

"Well, his job kinda gets in the way of the two of us." she looked outside the window. "Sometimes, the country just needs him more than me. Or that's just what he says all the time."

"Oh." Ted said making an awkward silence between the two of them. Luckily, after only a quarter of an hour, the food arrived. It was two cheeseburgers and some french fries. "And here I was scared you'd ordered something strange."

"Of course not." she passed him his burger. They were connected to each other so she had to rip them apart. He looked at the buns and saw an opportunity. So he grabbed Charlotte's shoulders and moved closer to her.

"Does this bread have gluten?" she nodded not understanding his bit. "What if the cats have celiac?" he let go of her laughing a little. Then they ate.

Ted ate fairly quickly. He finished his meal before she even touched her french fries. "So, thank you for the meal." he tried to inch away from the table. "I have some money here which I am leaving on the table. Is that enough?"

"No. Please don't leave." she pushed his money back at him. "But this," she gestured at their food. "Is my treat."

Ted came back as the waiter got their money. They then left the restaurant.

The drive home was fairly uneventful. However, when they arrived at Ted's apartment, a woman could be seen struggling to open the door. That woman's leg doesn't seem to be helping either.

"Who's that?"

"I have no fucking idea." Ted said getting his things. "Thanks for tonight." he caught her smile. So he came in for a kiss.

"Ted!" she sank into the driver's seat.

"Sorry, see you tomorrow, Charlotte!" he said leaving the car smiling like a big dummy. In front of his apartment door seemed to be a peculiar man Ted has never seen before. His hair was grey and he was taller than Ted which obviously intimidated him. "Who the hell are you?"

"You must live here." he extended one hand. "I'm Professor Hidgens. I came here to tutor a student. Your sister, I assume."

"Emma's not my sister." he scowled. "Also, this is a push door, dumbass." he opened the door and went inside his apartment.

"Oh hi, Dad!" Emma called out from the living room. She was watching a TV show of some sort while sprawled out on their couch.

"Please don't call me Dad." Hidgens facepalmed


	4. Chapter 4

"But why?" Emma whined.

"I'm here to help you with your schoolwork. Not be your parent. That's what your parents are for." Hidgens explained.

"Um... I'm sorry." Ted looked around the room. "Emma," he started, "I thought you had more, eh..." he shook his hand and put it up. "I just thought you had higher standards."

"I'm sorry." Emma responded. "Are you saying?"

"Yes I am." he pointed and left.

"What did he mean?" Hidgens asked Emma.

"He thinks I fuck you for grades." he shook his head.

"What?!" He flinched. "I would never do such a thing!?"

"Exactly." she led him to their dining table. "I mean, at this point, you're kinda my dad."

"I'm not your dad." he sat down on the small dining table considering Ted doesn't eat there anyway. "I could kick you out of my class anytime."

"But you didn't, Dad." Emma teased making Hidgens sigh dramatically.

* * *

"See you tomorrow, sport!" she practically pushed Paul outside of her car.

"See you tomorrow." He went into his apartment building leaving Melissa in her car.

"Shit I ran out of eggs." she suddenly remembered. So she went to the local grocery store.

The local grocery store was not too far away or special in any way. It was not too big but it was infamous for having an abnormally large egg and bread isle. She went straight to the egg aisle and got herself a carton of eggs. But then saw someone. So she moseyed her way back to the fruit aisle and got herself an orange.

"Oh, silly me." she dropped the orange in front of them. "I'm not really good at pick up limes." she pretended to struggle to pick up the singular orange she dropped on the ground.

"Oh, " they said helping Melissa retrieve her singular orange from the ground.

"Thanks." Melissa said looking around the aisle looking for something to talk about. Unfortunately, she found herself in the middle of the egg aisle. She hurriedly pointed at a carton of brown eggs. "You see those brown eggs?"

"Yeah, I do." they said going closer to it.

"No, I don't need it." she shooed it away delicately. "I was just gonna say." she returns to pointing at the eggs seductively. "This egg is brown"

"Yes, that is brown."

"No, but like-" she paused. "Brown eggs are healthier than white eggs because of what's on the inside, right? Definitely not because of what's on the ouside because that would be racism." she switched her stance to a more macho one. "Because racism is bad." she scoffed. "You know? I have something of a special message to the CEO of racism myself." she then punched the air multiple times to show what she would do to the CEO of racism.

They chuckled "I support your message to the CEO of racism." Melissa's eyes lit up and grabbed their arm like in one of those 'How to Pick Up a Woman in a Grocery Store' videos she saw in her recommended videos section for some reason.

"Thank youu!" she put the orange back next to the other egg cartons. "So, what's your name, police lady?"

"I'm Doug." they said extending one hand. Melissa took it and shook it with much force.

"I'm Melissa." she pretended to just notice her police uniform. "You work for the police force?"

"Wow, how could you tell." they said sarcastically.

"You want to meet up for lunch sometime?" she looked at her watch. "Tomorrow? Maybe? At the local McDonald's"

"Ha. No problem."

Melissa giggled and left like a schoolgirl and paid for her eggs.

"Hello?" Doug pulled out their walkie-talkie "I think we got the guy."

"Good." A deep voice could be heard over the line.

* * *

"Davidson!" Melissa burst into Mr. Davidson's office the next day revealing his absence. She went back out of his office and called out to the rest of the office. "Hey! Do any of y'all have an idea where Davidson is?!"

Nobody answered.

"Well, I hope he's here." she continued looking around the office. "I've got someplace to be!"

* * *

"Hi, where is Mrs. Davidson's classroom?" Mr. Davidson asked a receptionist.

"She's in the last room on the left down the hall. You can't miss it."

Mr. Davidson walked off to find her classroom. The receptionist was right. He physically could not miss it. The door was decorated with student artwork. This week, the students drew their families. Mr. Davidson chuckled to himself when he saw what Mrs. Davidson drew. It was just him and her and their pet cat, and she tried to replicate the art style of her students. He entered to door to see Carol playing her keyboard teaching her students a song about how sharing is caring and whatnot. Everyone stopped what they were doing to see who this strange man was. Carol's face lit up.

"Ken!" she said hitting the keyboard's keys making a couple of children wince. "I didn't know you were coming." he went over quickly and pulled her into a hug and gave her something from his breast pocket. "You didn't have to." she said receiving the present.

"Happy Birthday!" he said.

"It's your birthday?" one of Carol's students said.

"Yes it is." she replied.

"How old are you?" another student said.

"I don't know really..." Mr. Davidson joked with the class. "How old do you think she is?"

A cacophony of numbers came out of the children's mouth. Carol could barely keep a straight face when a child thought she was 8 years old and that Ken was 59 years old.

"Is he your dad?" a smaller child asked.

"No, he's my husband. We are married like your mommy and daddy."

"Do you have kids?"

"Is Kevin counted?" Ken asked his wife.

"No, we don't. But we do have a cat at home we call Kevin."

The school bell rang and the children ran off in a hurry to pack their things. "See you tomorrow, you guys!" Carol let them leave which left her alone in the classroom with Ken.

"So?" he pointed to a small gift box that was on her table. "Do you like your present?"

She opened the box which revealed a little ring. It was small and made of stainless steel. Carol let out a little gasp especially when she looked over and saw Ken down on one knee in her kindergarten classroom.

"Ken!?" Carol was holding back tears.

"It's about time don't you think?" he said.

"What do you mean?"

"Carol, you are my wife, my muse, my source of life." he paused to take a breath. "Will you legally marry me?"

"Legally?"

"Legally."

"Of course." she said falling into his arms.

* * *

*2004*

"Stop throwing rocks at my window. You're gonna break it!" Carol said out of her window.

"It is time." he said climbing in through her bedroom window.

"How did you get up here?"

"You have a tree outside your house. It's only right." he said looking around her room. It was a typical teenager's bedroom. It just so happened that most of it got packed into a suitcase and a backpack. "Are you ready?"

"I'm not sure." she said plopping down on her bed. "I'm just not sure." he approached her and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's okay." he patted her head. "We'll be back. They just need some time to understand."

"But they're my parents." she whispered. "I just don't understand why they hate you so much."

"They just don't think I'm good enough-"

"You're perfect."

"Aww, thanks." Carol gathered her things and stood by her bedroom window.

"I think I'm ready." she said. Ken nodded and opened the window and they fled into the night.

* * *

"But what about-"

"They understand now." he put the ring on her hand. "I told you we'll be back."

* * *

*2004*

"Do you want to marry each other?" the officiator said.

"Yes we do." Ken said which Carol replied to by nodding.

"I'm sorry but one of your parents wouldn't let this happen." the man said passing over a piece of paper. "You are only 17 years old and I cannot legally let you guys get married yet." They both read the paper. Carol's last name was changed to Davidson but she was still considered 'single' in a way. "This is all I could do for now. I'm very sorry."

"Is there anything else you can do," Ken asked squinting at the man's name tag. "Kevin?"

"No can do." he said as they left.

They walked out of the government building into the night.

"I'm sorry about that." Ken said pulling Carol into a hug. "I'm sorry."

"You can't be sorry." she said. "It's not your fault you're too young."

"You're right." he said. He left Carol and walked over to a suspicious alleyway.

"What're you doing?" she asked but he has already returned carrying a smallish box with holes on the outside.

"It's a cat." he showed her the box. There was a small calico kitten inside next to a hard-boiled egg. "I kinda want to keep it."

"What?" she said looking inside the box. It was tiny. It looked no older than three weeks old. "We can't even get married and you want us to get a son already?"

"Yeah."

"What are you naming it?"

"Kevin." he said carefully turning it over in the box. "I think it's a she."

"So what are you naming it?"

"Kevin's still fine." he said gently rubbing the little kitten. "God, I love her already."

"I love you too." she said hugging him tightly.

"Please don't squish the cat."

"Don't worry about it." she said as they both walked home together.

* * *

"Heyyy!" Melissa said waving at Doug. She sat down at a chair across them and took a french fry that was in front of them.

"Nice to meet you." Doug said shaking her waving hand. "I alsready got you some food." she said passing over some chicken nuggets to Melissa.

"So, how long have you been a cop?"

"Around two years actually." they said.

"Oh that's cool." she said slowly eating a chicken nugget. "What's the coolest thing you've ever done?"

"Oh yeah, about that." they started. "I'm currently reviving a dead case where a crazy person broke into multiple houses but they never took anything."

"Ooh." she said sipping her diet Pepsi. "Spill the tea, sis."

"It turns out all they ever did was take showers in the houses that they break into." they sat up straighter.

"That's insane." Melissa paused. "So how do you spend your free time."

"I'm sorry." Doug said moving their chicken nuggets away from themself. Melissa sighed sadly. "I never wanted this to happen."

"What do you mean, Doug?"

"Where were you on July 26th 2009?"

"I have no idea."

"Are you sure?"

"I don't understand."

"Your car matches the criminal's description." they said. "I'm really sorry." they said standing up and went right behind her.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" she said, making a scene in the McDonald's. But it was no use. She was slammed gently into the table as Doug cuffed her hands and tried her best to take her out of the restaurant.

"Again, I'm really sorry." they cooed. "I'm trying my best to make it easier for you."

"I didn't do it!" she flailed her limbs to go away. Again, it was no use. They opened the police car door and placed her in and drove away to the police station for questioning. "What the fuck are you doing to my car!" she yelled as she looked out the window to see a tow truck towing her car. "I swear, I'd never do that!"

"I know." they said driving away.

* * *

"How the fuck are you still here?" Ted said throwing his stuff down on their couch.

"It's my day off." she looked at Ted to see him trying to intimidate Hidgens. "Also, it turns out biology is hard so you know what?" she said standing up trying to intimidate him back. "Get off my dick."

"No. No. It's okay." Hidgens stood up. "I think I have to go now. I mean, it has been a full day since I was in my house. I have to make sure my slow cooker hasn't burnt the house down."

"No, please don't leave."

"Why not, Emma?" Ted asked. "Were you guys in the middle of something? Am I interuppting your little 'study session'? Am I ruining the momen-"

"CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE?!"

"Emma, I don't really understand why I still need to be here right now." she pushes him down into their couch.

"So she can-"

"I'm not gonna fuck him, Ted. Please just go away." she says making him leave.

When he entered his room, Emma sighed and sat down next to Hidgens. "I just wanted to talk to someone for once."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. It's very weird." she sighed. "I don't really do people very well. It's just hard to make friends. You also just saw what I have to deal with at the end of the day. Work, on the other hand, is a whole other ball game. I go to work still. Even with my broken foot. And let's not forget how especially after-" she stopped. "I'm sorry." she paused. "I'm getting ahead of myself. You can go now."

"No, Emma." he pulled her into a hug. "It's okay. I know exactly what you feel."

"No, you don't-"

"Yes I very much do." he shushed her. "It's okay. I'm here." he rocked her back and forth. "You're just a little tired, that's all."

"Mhm." she said while he rocked her for a bit. With some time, the smooth rocking, and just being tired in general, Emma eventually fell asleep. Hidgens then put her down on her couch. "Mmm." she said in protest to him leaving.

"Don't worry." he carefully back away. "I'm just getting you a blanket." he then went into her and Ted's room to look for a blanket. Ted was sitting on his bed on his phone next to an empty pizza box.

"What are you doing here?" Ted asked.

"I'm here to borrow a blanket." he picked up her blanket off her bed. "Emma's fallen asleep."

"Oh."

"Also, your behavior was unacceptable young man. Emma has been dealing with some things recently."

"I think that's her problem."

"I understand but that was inappropriate young man." he said firmly. "Also, clean up your room." he picked up the empty pizza box and put it on top of a trash can. "This place is a pigsty."

"Now I understand why she would call you Dad." Ted said returning to the comfort of his phone. Hidgens left in a huff to return to their living room.

Hidgens carefully crept on over to Emma and put the blanket on her to tuck her in. "Goodnight, Emma."

"Goodnight, Dad." she said her mouth turning into a little smirk.

"Please don't call me Dad." Hidgens said before leaving their apartment.

* * *

"Hey, Paul." Melissa greeted Paul as he entered the interrogation room as if she was not handcuffed to the table.

"Why are you here?!" He asked hiding his absolute fear.

"So you know that free car I got a decade ago?"

"Yeah?"

"So it turns out it may have belonged to a criminal and I kind of need your help to get me out of here."

"So you stole the car?" Doug entered the room. Melissa and Paul both flinched instinctively.


	5. Chapter 5

Emma walked into the audition room and handed a piece of sheet music to Henry sitting at his piano.

"Here it is, dad." she passed it on to him. He sighed.

"I don't think I'm your father." he said sending her off.

"No problemo, daddy-o!" she said making her way to a spot in front of a table. There was a man sitting at it with a laptop open, ready to take notes.

"Please state your name, age, and song for the camera." he said. "This will be filmed. If you want another take, that is completely up to you."

Emma nodded. "My name is Emma. I'm 30 years old and I'm singing 'I'm Breaking Down' from Falsettos for this audition" she said with her friendly retail worker smile as she nodded to Henry on the piano who got her cue and started to play.

_"I want a country I can call my own..."___

* * *

"You're doing great Alice!" Bill shouted across the soccer field.

Alice was dribbling the ball across the field. But then another kid from a rival school tried to steal the ball from her. Alice, on instinct, flinched and allowed the other child to get the ball. Also, in the middle of her flinch, she stuck her leg out which made the other kid tumble to the ground. Alice looked at her dad for help mostly because the other child started crying. Her coach called for a time out and Alice ran to her father.

"Dad!" she cried into his arms.

"Oh, Alice..." he patted her back. "It's okay."

"I hurt her!" she said as her coach let another girl substitute in.

"It's just a game." he said trying to comfort her. "You aren't trying to hurt her on purpose."

"Ok," she said wiping her eyes sitting down next to the field to watch the rest of the game. "Yes!" she yelled when a goal was scored. "You're doing great, Deb!" she yelled at her across the field.

Deb was the goalkeeper yet somehow she seems to be the best player on the team. She just scored a goal from the goal she was defending. "Thanks!" she replied.

* * *

"How did this happen?!" Paul asked Melissa who was handcuffed to the interrogation table now.

"I already told you." she started. "Turns out our car was a bad car."

"Is that why I saw it in handcuffs outside?"

"Handcuffs?!" Melissa responded trying to get out of her own handcuffs now. "That's not allowed!"

"We're just making sure that the car doesn't have anything weird inside." Doug said taking a seat across Melissa.

"The only thing _weird_ touching my car is your filthy, hot, attractive hands!" Melissa said before changing her statement. "My car has nothing inside!"

"Then what about this gun?" Sam entered the room, holding a gigantic shotgun in his hand. He cocked it and pointed to a wall to scare everyone in the room. It worked.

"Can we have a minute to get a lawyer?" Paul said making Sam and Doug leave for a second.

The room was now empty except for the two of them. Paul stood up and ran his hands through his hair multiple times.

"I don't think becoming a humble British tourists would save you now," he said pulling out his phone.

"I'm already in jail!" Melissa whined in response. "You don't need to call the cops."

"I'm calling Charlotte." he said putting the phone to his ear.

* * *

_"I'M BREAKING DOOOOOOOOOOWWWNNNNNN"_

Zoey finished her audition piece. It was the same piece Emma had since they were both females. She took a little bow and the man at the desk nodded.

"Thank you." the man at the desk said shutting off the camera. "We will call you within the week if you got a part."

"No problem." Zoey nodded. "Thank you for your time."

As she left, Henry closed the piano and took his things with him to the man on the desk.

"Henry," the man on the desk said, "I don't know about you but I already have a little cast list in my head."

"Of course you do, darling." Henry said looking at the notes.

"My dear, did that one little girl call you dad a little while ago?"

"Yes she did." he said reading the notes. "You don't have to worry about it. She's just a student."

"Just a student? Really? Are you sure you aren't getting any ideas?"

"She really is just a student, Chad." he looked up from the computer screen. "Also, I'm gay."

"My oh my! How could I forget?" Chad said pretending to be shocked making Henry giggle a little.

Henry went back to reading the notes. "I agree with your list." he said returning to reading the notes. "Can we go home yet?"

Chad sighed dramatically. "Darling, I am home." he said gesturing at the seats of the theatre.

"You're so dramatic."

"I wonder why?"

Henry "I don't really understand why you are so into this whole 'musical theatre' thing. I mean I get it. But like I just get too hung up on the facts to enjoy it". Chad chuckled and hugged Henry from behind kissing the top of his head.

"I'm not sure I understand."

"That's because we're doing Falsettos. At least this one has a smidge of facts."

Chad patted the top of his husband's head. "Alright, I think we do need to go home."

"Please." he showed Chad his hands. "I feel like they're gonna fall off anytime soon."

"I hope not." Chad said lifting his eyebrows.

"You know that's not what I meant!" he said hiding his hands away.

* * *

"Deb! What are you doing?!" Alice yelled at another little girl at the McDonald's play place who was dangling upside down on a ladder.

"My best." Deb replied flipping herself right side up. She ran down over to Alice who was in the ball pit, sitting alone. "Come on! Let's go to the big boy slide!" she said to Alice pulling her up the ladder she dangled from. They climbed up together, Alice was oblivious to Deb's plans. When they reached the top, they saw a boy, slightly bigger than the two of them yet a little boy nonetheless.

"What are _you_ doing here?" the little boy said crossing his arms to block the opening of the slide.

"We're gonna slide." Deb replied trying to pull him from the slide. However, being a smaller girl, she could not really do much.

"No you're not." the boy put his hand in front of him to stop them.

"Yeah I am!" Deb pushed him over. "This is a big boy slide and we are going to slide!"

"Exactly!" the boy said. "This is a big _boy_ slide."

"You're not a boy Kyler!" Deb pushed him aside, harder this time making sure for him to fall down on the ground. Before Kyler could even fight back she slid down the slide while holding onto Alice's arm. But when she slid down, Alice held on to a bar at the top of the slide. "What are you doing, Alice?"

"I don't know!" Alice said before Deb slid down to the bottom of the big boy slide. Alice was now dangling from the top of this slide and Kyler saw an opportunity.

"No!" Alice and Deb said at nearly the same time when Kayler punched her hands holding onto the bar making her let go. This slide was the longest nine seconds of her life and when she reached the bottom she was inconsolable. Deb ran over to console her but at this point it was no use.

"Kyler sucks!" was all that Alice could say at the end of the ordeal.

"Yeah boys suck!" Deb said pulling Alice to her feet to go back to their table but not before glaring bullets at Kyler. Kyler understandably got intimidated and stepped back and hid behind the big boy slide like the 'big boy' he is.

They arrived at the table and Bill saw his daughter sad and just passed her some nuggets and french fries.

"What happened, Alice?" Bill asked.

"Kyler pushed her off the slide." Deb responded.

"What?!" Bill said. Kyler was not necessarily the largest child in the world but compared to Alice she was nothing but a little baby. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." she said before slowly nipping at her french fries. Bill and Deb then furrowed their eyebrows.

"I want to punch him." Deb said ripping into a chicken nugget with her teeth.

"Please don't do that." Alice whined.

"I will." Deb responded. "And you will do it." she said pulling him into the McDonalds' play place once more.

"Be safe guys." Bill said now keeping a closer eye on the play place.

* * *

"Hey guys." Charlotte quietly entered the interrogation room to see Paul nervously pacing the room and Melissa on her phone attempting to update her Instagram story if not for the bad internet service in the interrogation room.

"Thank God you're here." Paul said running his hands through his hair for the thousandth time today.

"Why do I need to be here?" Charlotte asked not getting the picture at all.

"I need you to do your thing with your man." Melissa said motioning to her handcuffs. "I don't think Paul wants to pretend to be my dad again."

"Again?"

"Long story." Paul responded before looking at the same piece of wall he'd been looking at for the past half hour it took Charlotte to get there.

"Hey guys." Sam said opening the door making Melissa raise her eyebrows at Charlotte as if to say 'do your thing, puppet'. "Oh hey, Charlotte. Never thought you'd be here."

"Me neither."

"So what brings you here?" he asked adjusting his hat to make it a little bit more obvious that he was a cop.

"I'm here for uh..." she looked around for guidance. Paul simply shrugged nad Melissa nodded at her. There was clearly not much she could work with. "I'm here for _you_, Sam~" she said adjusting his hat as he made it lopsided. "I can't believe this!" she half yelled at him. "You are arresting her for no reason. She just had the car, right?" she looked at Paul for help this time. He was furiously nodding. "It was just an act of teenage rebelliousness." she said moving closer to him tugging on his collar slightly. "You do remember _our_ days of teenage rebelliousness."

* * *

*Last Week*

"Charlotte, darling..." Sam slurred through his phone. "Can you pick me up?"

"Where are you?" Charlotte replied looking at the clock. It was 1:30 in the morning.

Sam looked around the room he was in. Teenagers were drinking and dancing but he didn't really know where he was. "I don't know, baby."

"Then how will I pick you up?" 

"I don't knoww" he replied. "Also, please don't bring your car. You can drive the police car. Just this once."

She hung up and went straight to her 'Find My iPhone' app. She put in his IPhone sighed in relief when she found out he was only about five blocks away. So she walked.

She couldn't miss the house Sam was at if she wanted to. The house was the only one on the block at this time of day that still has its lights on and still emitted sound from the inside. She saw Sam sitting on the porch now like a little kid waiting for his mom to pick him up from the playdate he did not really enjoy. She practically had to drag him into the passenger side of the car. As soon as he sat down, he started to doze off before Charlotte could even start the car. When she did, the sirens went off and screaming could be heard from inside the house. But she didn't know how to turn it off so she sucked it up and drove Sam the five blocks home and then drove to the police station to return the car. Doug was in the parking lot.

"Charlotte, where's Sam?" they asked her. "Did he get drunk again?"

"No he did not." she said like a liar. "You guys overworked him. It was a miracle I came by to pick him up. He would have fallen asleep at the wheel."

"Oh, I'm sorry ma'am." they said securing the vehicle.

* * *

Sam took off his sunglasses and made eye contact with her for the first time all day. "My..." he faltered. "How could I forget?"

"How could _you?_" Charlotte said looking away wistfully. Sam pulled her closer and gave her a kiss. It was quite the big kiss that made it look like it would turn into something more. Paul and Melissa both instinctively flinched and looked away like the little children they are.

Doug entered the room.

"So did you get her to crack?" they said making intense eye contact with Melissa before seeing Sam making out with Charlotte in the interrogation room. "What is going on here?!"

Sam quickly pulled away from Charlotte. "She didn't do it." he said walking over to Melissa and took off her handcuffs.

"Jesus, finally." she said as Paul glared at Doug. "How could you do that to me?!" she said dramatically to Doug trying to slap them in the face. But then Doug blocked her at the last second and Melissa was sold. She went closer and pulled into a kiss. Since they were already making out, Sam thought this would be the perfect time to return to making out with Charlotte. Paul sat down on the ground realizing how single he truly is.

* * *

"How did _you_ get Trina?" Zoey said looking at the cast list. 

"Because _you_ would be perfect for Cordelia." Chad interjected.

"Trina? Who's that?" Emma asked Chad.

"The character you got." he said realizing that she sang the Trina song at the audition. "It's the one you sang a song for."

"The one that gets a mental breakdown?"

"Yeah."

"Cool."

* * *

"You are going to punch him."

"I don't think I should." she said trying to pull away. But they were at the top of the big boy slide again and there was nothing much she could do right now.

"Hey!" Kyler said T-posing to absorb maximum power. "How many times do I have to tell you?!" he started spinning which made his arm accidentally hit Deb.

Deb nodded at Alice from the ground. Alice knew what she had to do and punched him in the arm that hit her friend.

"Ow!" he yelled as Deb pulled Alice into the slide and they slid away. They ran out of the slide and into Bill who was waiting at their table. They scrambled to make it into their booth.

"So what happened?" Bill asked them.

"Alice punched Kyler!" Deb said triumphantly.

"What?" he almost choked on his diet Pepsi. "Alice, did you really?"

"Yeah." she said going back to her french fries.


	6. Chapter 6

"Fine! I guess I just I'll just have to play Fortnite in the corner alone." Kyler, a little boy said pouting and retreating to the corner.

"Yeah! We'll just play house. I wanna be the dog." Alice said.

"I wanna be a cat!" Deb said.

"I want to be a horse!" a little girl said.

"You can't be a horse. You're my sister." Kyler said.

"I don't care."

"Can I be the mom?" a little shy girl said. "I want to play house not zoo."

"Of course, Grace." Alice said.

"So what are we doing?" Deb said putting on a cat headband she found on Alice's desk.

"I'm drinking!" Kyler's sister said chugging water from her pale blue hydroflask. "pretend this is wine. I'M SO DRUNK!"

"Katie, horses can't get drunk." Grace giggled a little. "They don't have hands!"

"Well, meow meow, I think that horses can get drunk." <del>the cat</del> Deb said.

"Well, woof woof, I don't think horses can get drunk." Alice responded. Katie returned to rolling on the carpeted floor.

"I'm just so drunk you guys. I think I need to take a nap." she said lying down on Alice's bed next to Alice and Deb.

"Now, I'm drunk too!" Deb said chugging water from the same hydroflask. "Meow! I'm drunk!"

"Guys, I don't think this is allowed." Grace said. "My mom said drinking makes you blind or-"

"I'm blind!" Deb pretended by lightly slapping Alice's wall. "I can't see anything! Gah!" she said before falling.

"I'm bored." Deb said upon hitting the ground.

"Me too." Alice said. "What do you wanna do?" they all looked at Kyler the all knowing being for answers. But he said nothing. He was deep into a Fortnite match and there were only 98 more people alive. A light bulb went off in Alice's head. _The Nerf guns I got for Christmas._

Alice got them all out.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Ted said leaving his bedroom to see two older taller men with Emma on their couch. He recognized the taller man as her professor. "Oh, so we're having threesomes now, Emma?"

"Actually, with you here, it's looking up to be a foursome." The other guy said.

"Chad, I don't think he was joking." Henry said.

"Nonono." he said shaking his head as if shaking it would make them disappear. "This is a joke. All of this. Isn't it?" he was being dramatic again. "Why are they here anyways?"

"I got a part for a musical." Emma sighed. "Again, I am NOT going to fuck them. This is NOT a threesome and most of all I am NOT doing this to pass my class I can do that myself thank you very much." Emma ranted.

"You sure, though?" Ted said.

"GET OFF MY DICK, TED!" she said making Ted retreat to his bedroom to get ready for work.

* * *

"Paul, what the heck?" Melissa said knocking on his door. "I don't want to be late tod-"

"Yeah?" Paul interrupted opening the door revealing the fact that he was still in pajamas.

"Paul we have work today."

"Since when did you care?" he said leaning on the door to hide something.

"What are you hiding?" she asked moving into his house. "Is it porn again?"

"No, it's-"

"Nonono don't worry. I'm not your mom." she said pushing him aside revealing the biggest mastiff she had ever seen. "Babeyy!" she said receiving the dog in her arms. "He's so big! Who's a good boy!" she said rubbing the good boy all over.

"So about work?"

"Forget work! Davidson understands." she said pulling out her phone to call him.

"Hello! This is Ken Davidson from IT."

"Yeah, heyy."

"Hi, Melissa."

"So I can't go to work today." she faked coughed into the cellphone. "I'm a little sick."

"Huh. No problem."

"Oh, thank you." she said and then hung up. Except she did not. She was still on the line with Davidson while rubbing Beef the good boy on the ground. "Who's a good boy?" she said.

"Sorry what?" Mr. Davidson said before hanging up the phone call for her. He took a little look around his whole office before saying aloud to himself and himself along. "Am I a good boy?". He returned to his work with that thought in his head for the remainder of the day.

"So what are we doing now?" Paul asked backed up against the wall in fear. This absolute unit was taking up quite the amount of room in his living room.

"You can do whatever you want." she said. "But _I'm_ staying here with Beef to good boy."

"Well, we're not going to be staying here." Paul said squinting at a piece of paper.

"You need glasses." Melissa said not taking her eyes off of Beef.

"No I don't-" he said while trying to read a note Beef's owner gave him before leaving. "We have to take Beef out for some exercise. His owner says he's getting a little too big lately."

Melissa covered Beef's ears. "You can't say that! That's rude." she said looking at Paul as if someone dared insult her son. "If we need to take a walk, we can take a wlk but we don't need to fatshame this absolute legend." she said standing up and going outside. When she got outside, however, Beef started sprinting down the street as fast as his large body could run. Paul stood at the doorway holding a leash staring at Melissa who stood in the porch, shocked at what is happening.

"You couldn't wait for five seconds?"

"You couldn't just not fat shame a dog?"

* * *

"Hiding is cheating!" Deb said running through Alice's bedroom. "Fight me like a man!"

That seemed to have summoned Kyler from the corner of the room. He dropped his iPad and walked over in a 'cool way' in his opinion which is the 'Reimagine' Fortnite dance which made him look like a zombie which in turn did frighten Alice and Deb who armed themselves to the teeth with Nerf guns. He went over and grabbed a Nerf gun and started to unload all of his bullets at nothing particular.

"Kyler, stop it! It's gonna be hard to find the bullets after!" Alice said shooting at him.

"Guys, my mom said playing with guns is bad." Grace said before hiding inside of Alice's closet.

"Suit yourself." Deb said before shooting at Kyler who has recruited the help of his sister to who technically could not say no because he was 'her older brother' despite being fraternal twins.

They shot at each other until they could not find any more bullets to refill their guns with which took about half an hour. Bill entered the room with a plate of fruit chopped up to look like cubes just like how Alice likes them.

"Hey, guys. I got you some fruit." he said putting the plate on Alice's desk. He looked around a couple times before leaving. "Where's Grace Chastity?"

"I don't know." Alice said. Bill's eyes widened because of a car pulling up in their driveway. He looked out of her window and saw Grace's mother trying to park in the street. He knew he had about a minute to find her. "Um, can you guys find her?" he pulled the blinds in his daughter's room. "Her mom's here."

"I think she's still in the closet." Katie said hiding behind her brother.

Bill walked towards the closet and tried to open it.

The closet door wouldn't open.

"What are you doing!" a muffled voice from inside the closet yelled.

"You're mom's here, Grace." Bill said through the closet. "You're gonna have to get out soon."

But being a good Christian girl, Grace Chastity refused to get out of the closet.

Grace's mom rang the doorbell which was loud and could be heard throughout the house.

"You're mom's here!" Alice yelled. Grace reluctantly came out of the closet. She went out slowly in a walk of shame before Kyler shot one last dart to the back of her head.

"Kyler!" Bill said as he led Grace to her mom.

* * *

"Emma!" Ted yelled through the house. "Hurry up in there!"

"I'm not in the bathroom!" she sais yelling from the living room.

"Then shut the lights next time!" he said bursting into the bathroom revealing Chad Hidgens on his toilet peeing sitting down. "What the fuck?!"

"Do you need anything?" Chad said looking up from his phone to see Ted covering his eyes with his hands like a little boy who just saw one boob.

"No I don't!" he said leaving the bathroom and slamming the door in the bathroom making the people in the living room concerned.

"Is everything going alright, Chad?" Henry called from the living room. He put the cap on the highlighter he was using and stood up to see Ted still covering his eyes with his hands.

"No, nothing is all right." Ted said entering the living room still not seeing anything. "Your husband or something was in the bathroom and forgot to lock the fucking door!"

"Language!" Henry retorted. Emma hid a giggle as her roommate got told off. "Can you gain some maturity, young man?"

"I'm sorry, dad." he took his hands off his eyes. "I'm just not a fan of seeing other people's dicks."

"Bu-" Hidgens stammered. "That's just disrespectful."

"Alright, dad." he said hurriedly gathering his things to leave. "I'll just pee at work where I won't see more dicks."

Emma hid a little laugh. It was nice to see him be an asshole to someone who isn't her for once. But there was a tinge of guilt in her that Henry, who was almost her father, was being treated this way.

"I'm not your dad!" Henry yelled but Ted has already left.

* * *

"I think you're doing it wrong!" Paul yelled at Melissa who was sprinting toward Beef down the street.

"I don't really know what you're talking about." Melissa responded still running after Beef. The absolute unit was running fast enough to leave Paul behind in the dust after a single street. So he resorted to sitting on the driveway in front of his house.

Melissa, on the other hand, was intent on getting the dog back. She bolted and grabbed the dog and did her best to lift him but did not quite succeed due to its sheer size. She trudged the rest of the way home to see Paul on his phone sitting by the porch.

"What the fuck, Paul!" she said whispering one of the words.

"Why did you whisper?" Paul asked.

"Beef is baby! He cannot hear me cuss." she placed Beef down in front of him. "I have to be a responisble role model." and went inside his house with Beef. "And clearly you are not a good example."

Paul could do nothing but follow her inside with Beef. The house was a mess. It turns out dogs do not eat their food well from bowls that have a smaller diameter than their noses. They also did not know that it gets worse when you try to take away a dog's food especially when they are nearing your size.

"You know, I'd rather just head to work." Paul said sitting on the couch watching Melissa explaining something important to Beef.

"We didn't bring you back here because you did anything wrong." she started. "It's just that Paul forgot to put a leash on you and I had to run after you because he's very mean." she cooed at the absolute unit.

There was a knock at the door.

Paul opened it and saw a taller man. "Paul!" he said. "Is Beef here?"

"He's right here." he said leading the man in.

"Oh, hi!" Melissa said to the man. "So, who are _you_?"

"I'm Brandon and I'm here to pick up my dog."

"Of course you are." she said passing him the dog. But before she did so, she checked the dog's collar to make sure this man was legit. It said 'Best Friend of Brandon Lampost. If lost call this phone number'. "Lampost? That's a silly name for a dog."

"That's my surname actually."

"Lampost?" Paul asked. "Do you happen to know a Chamelon Lampost?"

"Oh, that's my sister. Chameleon Minivan Lampost." he said noticing Melissa's shock. "She works with you, right?" he asked. "Anyways, she goes by 'Millie' because she finally came to terms with how weird her name is. Maybe one day she will stop trying to sell me her garbage essential oils."

"That's the weirdest thing I ever heard, cool man!" Melissa said to Brandon who was on the way out.

While on the way out, Brandon turned to Paul to ask him a question. "So how long have you two been together?"

Paul stammered. "I- I- Uh?" he looked to Melissa for guidance who was now wheezing in the living room.

"Paul? That loser?" Melissa said. "There is no way I would be together with _him_."

"I think that answers your question." he said shutting the door as Brandon left.

"Was that guy serious?" Melissa asked Paul now lying down on his couch.

"I thought you had a thing for that cop?" he asked her.

"You sure?"

"I'm pretty sure I saw you guys making out in the interrogation room." he said trying to erase every memory he had of that day. Being surrounded by people making out was not something he was used to. Therefore it had to be erased.

"But he's also hot." she started. "But then they're also hot." she finished. "Why does everyone have to be so hot?"

"Climate change." he said sitting down on the couch next to her. "It has been a problem for while now, actually. A bigger problem more than ever."

"You're so weird." Melissa said playfully punching him in the arm. "Remind me, are we dating?"

"I'd literally rather go to a Frozen sing-along." he said running both of his hands through his hair.


	7. Chapter 7

"I would like a caramel frappe and one black coffee, please." Paul said. He was interrupted by a cup of black coffee and a caramel frappe already made for him.

"You're Paul, right?" Emma asked. "You're the guy I hired that one time. How could I forget? You literally come here every day." she said.

"I know _I_ can't" Paul awkwardly laughed. He looked over to the side and heard some jazz music he has never really heard before. 

He looked to see a live band playing. Well, it was just a man on trumpet and another on double bass. But upon closer inspection.

"Mr. Davidson?" he said looking at the man on the trumpet. "Brandon?"

"Oh, hi, Paul." Davidson said putting his trumpet down for a second.

"You know this guy?" Brandon asked.

"He's my boss." he said. "You're in a band?"

"Yeah." he said looking around to make sure no one else from the office was there. "I spend all my time here on my break. It's been a while now actually. I'm surprised it took you this long." he said.

"Um, okay." he said rushing at the counter and pulling out his wallet to put a tip. He put in thirty dollars into the tip jar to apologize for being a nuisance.

"Really, man?" she asked. "You sure?"

"I'm sure." he said. But that awakened the backroom demon. Zoey emerged from the backroom like a zombie that has been awakened. Only brains haven't awakened her. It was the metallic sound of the paper money that Paul so generously placed in the tip jar.

"Emma," she said. "What do we do when really someone gives us a tip?"

"I don't know." she said not caring.

"We sing, Emma." she said. "You got the best part in Falsettos so you should be able to sing well."

"I don't really want to do this right now." Emma said slowly shrinking down behind the counter.

"Yeah, I think I'm good." Paul said slowly backing away.

"No." she said. "You can't leave. I _insist._" she took out her phone and went straight to her iTunes app. She went into her musicals playlist which had over a thousand songs in it. Then she played the sing-along version of 'All You Wanna Do' from Six. Complete with the choreography although slightly altered to be more 'interesting' in a way. The jazz music stopped as soon as the first notes of the song played. She was everywhere belting almost every note in the chorus while trying to remove all subtlety in the verses by explaining everything with her interesting body language. And that was the moment Paul knew that he would never tip Emma in front of Zoey ever again.

_"But I thought he would be different/ Why did I think _he'd_ be different/ But it's never, _ever_ different."_

She practically screamed out the notes after this little pre-chorus. A final scream of desperation if you will. Unfortunately, this did not seem to be the end considering she just vaulted over the entire counter and was not in front of Paul where she sang the whole final chorus, primarily aimed at Paul who just turned to analyzing the lyrics to forget what was happening before his poor eyes.

_"The only thing you wanna do is..."_

She trailed off to give the most dramatic gasp she could muster and go straight into the bit that happens after the song which means that she straight up started sobbing on the floor in front of Paul who was already backing away slowly. After a couple of seconds she stood up and faced Paul.

"That song was performed in gratitude of your generous tip." she said. "If you would like to see more of that, don't be afraid to tip more."

"No, I'm good." Paul said bakcing away from the coffee shop before running away to the office to delete anything he thinks he saw at the coffee shop.

* * *

"Hey, thanks for the caramel frappe." Bill said sipping the drink.

"Yeah." he said. "I don't think I'm ever going to tip there though."

"Why would you say that?" Bill said not knowing that Paul was going to burst in discomfort.

"So basically, one of the baristas started singing this song that came from a _musical_" he said his face contorting a little bit. "I know becuase" he cringed at himself. "I hear Alice singing this sometimes when I have to you know, watch after her."

"Oh, the song with the girl?"

"Yeah."

"Was it Moana?"

"Bill." Paul was hiding his pain. "No." he scratched his head. "It's the one that you let her listen to for educational purposes."

"Six?"

"Yes. So instead of watching the performance," he paused. "I listened to the lyrics and I don't really think it's okay."

"Paul, I think I have heard that song a million times and _I_ never heard anything wrong with it. She's just detailing her impressive career and I think she's a great example for Alice."

"Bill." he paused. "I don't think she was talking about her career."

"Then what should she be talking about?" he asked.

"Do you really want me to tell you, though?"

"Yes I do." he said. "Alice is actually planning on singing this song in her school next week."

"She's talking about sleeping with men." Bill was appalled. He was shocked and did not know what to do with this information.

"I need an adult." Bill said getting up from his desk. "Where's Charlotte?"

* * *

"Oh, Sam. Where are you?" she said looking around the house. She did find Sam. He was sitting on their couch waiting for her to drive him to work.

"I'm here." he was scrolling through the channels on their television and when that did not work, he went to Netflix for help. "Wanna watch Tall Girl before work, honey?"

"I don't think I'll be going to work today." she said sitting next to him.

"But baby," he said pulling up some random Netflix show he'd been meaning to watch. "I need to get to work." he said sitting further in his seat. "I have to save every single citizen of the United States of America." he said pulling on a 'tough guy' voice.

"Okay fine." she said getting ready which took almost no time at all considering she was already half-dressed. On the way to the door, however, she fell. Sam's eyes went straight to the door and upon seeing Charlotte on the floor, rushed to pick her up. He scooped her up bridal style and plopped her on their couch so as to not disturb his show.

"But are you, though?" he asked her.

"I suppose not." she said trying her best to fight against the sudden wave of tiredness that she was feeling. She tried to go to at least their bedroom to hide her sickness. But that did not seem to work since she only made it to their couch. She laid down on it and closed her eyes.

"So," he turned to her. "Are you still driving me to work?"

She was still asleep or maybe she passed out. Despite being a trained police officer, he could not tell. He realized that she was shivering in her sleep and she was laying without a pillow on the couch because he was using the one pillow they had on their couch. He went into their room and got an extra blanket that they had in their closet and went back to the living room to check if Charlotte has decided to show more signs of life. He picked her up with as much care he had when he carried a cat out of a tree and placed her on his lap, the second softest pillow on the couch.

* * *

"Ted, someone here wants to see you." Melissa said watching him do no work in his cubicle.

"Yeah?" he returned to his work. "Who would?"

She just gestured to a man that was next to her but he wasn't looking so she just left.

"Ted?" the man said. "It's Louie from the pizzeria you call every night. Is this the right time?"

"For what, Mr. Louie?" he said spinning away from his work that he could not have cared less about. He was hiding how touched he felt at the moment. No one ever went to him during work. At least everyone had a significant other and at least Paul had Melissa or something.

"The pizzeria is closing soon." Louie said hiding his shame.

"Why?!" he asked.

"We have been experiencing a lack in customers lately." he said catching Ted's shock. "I have to close soon before I lose anymore."

Ted was shocked. He put a hand to stop himself from cussing these imaginary people that allowed this to happen. "But why? That doesn't make any sense!"

"Yeah," Louie scratched his head. "You have been our only customer for about three weeks now. I've fired all of the employees since I couldn't pay them and I don't think I could go on like this."

"Louie, you can't mean..." he said standing up to see Louie who was in as much disbelief as him.

"I'm sorry. I-" he said. Ted shut him up by hugging him. Melissa who was being a nosy ass was watching this happen and had to hide her gasp. This was entirely out of character for him.

"I will personally pay you a20 dollars to still deliver me my daily pizza. Someone the office part-owns a diner. I'm sure they can get you a job." Ted said mid hug. Louie let out a little chuckle and tapped him on the back multiple times.

"Ted, my boy," he pulled away from the hug. "You are almost the son I never had." he stood in front of Ted. "But I have to go now. The pizzeria ain't gonna pack itself." he then left. Soon after, Ted went back to work hiding his back from the rest of the office.

Melissa sneaked into the cubicle.

"So," she said. "Was that your dad?"

"I fuckin wish." Ted said not looking away from his work.

"Do you need me to-"

"No, Melissa. You don't need to. I'm fine." he said seriously working for the first time in a while.

* * *

"So, Alice, I don't think you can sing that song for your presentation this week." Bill said driving Alice home from school.

"Why? I thought you said it was good?" she said.

"Well, I don't think the teacher will like it that much."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Then why can't I do it?"

"Well, Uncle Paul told me a little something." he said. "But how about the other songs? I think they're great, too."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Can I sing the one the blue one sings?"

"Which one is that?"

"Turn off the radio." Alice said. Then Bill turned off the radio. He was thankful. He did not need to hear about distressing news at this point in time. He knew Alice was going to sing the song in the car and he made extra sure that he will be analyzing the song to prevent another mishap.

Alice started singing I Don't Need Your Love from the same musical with the sing-along version from Spotify on her phone in her little child voice which sounded a little bit endearing.

But Bill couldn't help but focus on every word she was saying and analyzing them for any sign of inappropriateness that he was ready to shut down at any moment. 'It's not like I don't like the song. It's just that I don't want to get arrested.' he thought to himself.

_"I love you boy..."_ she sang. 'Boy? Isn't that a little early for that?' he thought. He thought so many things as they went home.

After the song ended Bill gave Alice a little applause as they were in at a red light at an intersection. Alice sat proud of herself and went back to playing a game on her iPad.

"So?" Alice asked. "Can I do this one?"

"Of course you can." he said. "I also may be a little biased but I do like this one more."

"What does 'biased' mean?"

"You don't need to know." he said pulling up to his house. He took her out of her booster seat and brought her into their house. He sat down and watched television for a couple of minutes, feeling grateful to our lord and savior that he gets to live a free man another day.

* * *

"Sam?" Charlotte woke up with her head in Sam's lap with a blanket on her while he was laying on a sofa cushion still on the sofa. "What's going on?"

"You were sleeping on the couch without a cushion. So I gave you a cushion."

"Thank you, Sam." she said before sneezing on his face. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be." he said. "I didn't want to get to work anyways." he was on his phone when she woke up reading the news or something but she knew he turned off the television so she could sleep longer. "I was waiting for you to wake up. I didn't know where you put the lemsip."

"It's in the bathroom in the medicine cabinet. Wait for a second, I'll get it." Charlotte said before attempting to stand up even if it was clear that she couldn't if she tried. Sam stopped her by bending over and trapping her under his arms.

"You know what? I'm getting the lemsip." and he went into their bathroom and got the lemsip. He then went into the kitchen and removed the tea bag he placed in her mug that he placed in anticipation of her wanting tea. He then made the actual thing.

But Charlotte was still lying down on the couch now taking the cushion that Sam was using a while ago and all she could hear was a ruckus going on in the kitchen that probably involved glass. She knew he was just making her some lemsip but it did take every single bone in her body to not stand up and help him. But her body seemed to betray her.

He came over with the lemsip and gave it to her while she was still lying down. "You want this?"

"Yes, I do. Thank you." She said taking it slowly trying to let Sam not see how sick she was. "So, what are you doing today?"

"You." Sam said raising an eyebrow. Charlotte couldn't help but do a little giggle.

"Are you sure?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

* * *

"You don't have to be here right now." Louie told Ted who he saw him outside of the pizzeria. It was deserted at this moment and probably every moment hereafter. He was already packed up and was going to his car.

"I know." Ted said taking in the sight. He never really ever went to the pizzeria before since he always called for delivery. He was frozen outside. He could not _believe_ that this was happening. "Can I tell you one last thing, though?"

"Anytime." Louie said entering his car which had its windows rolled down. "You know you have my phone number."

"I know." he said. "But, you know, you're probably the only reason I'm still alive."

"Don't say that, Ted." he said.

"No, I mean it." he sighed. "I'd probably died of starvation, though. So probably not what you're expecting."

"Thank God." Louie said. "I hope you'll be okay, Ted."

"I hope so too."


	8. Chapter 8

Charlotte sat on her couch at home anticipating her husband's arrival.

He had been late again. Too many nights ended like this. With him getting home too late and her asleep waiting for him. She decided that today would be the day that she would fall asleep with him next to her so that she would be sure that he was there. Something about this makes it seem to her that he may be having an affair.

"Charlotte?" a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Sam." she said. "It's 11:30 pm." she looked at the clock on the wall. "Why did you come home so late?"

"Well, you see," he started while he fidgeted around with his jacket. "You know that pet store a couple of streets over?"

"Yeah?"

"And I happened to know that you love animals."

"That's correct." she said in anticipation. He seemed to be hiding something in one of his hands now. Was it a dog? It better be a dog. Or a cat. Or any land animal really. She would hate to see that Sam just put a fish in his hand.

He smiled brightly. "On the way there, I happened to meet this guy!" he said holding a lizard by the tail. Definitely not the correct way to hold a lizard and definitely not what Charlotte was expecting.

"What the heck is that?!" Charlotte asked, now standing on the couch. The poor thing was squirming and wiggling to get out of Sam's grasp.

"_That_ is Germaine." he said. "What do you think?"

"What do _I_ think?" she asked. "You better get that thing out of the house."

"But-" Sam tried to say before Germaine's body detached from his tail, sending him to the ground. Charlotte screamed at this and Sam was matching her pitch. His hand quickly went to his belt and on to his gun. In seconds he was pointing a gun at a lizard that was scrambling all over the floor.

"Don't shoot it!" Charlotte yelled as Sam was still furiously aiming at the lizard with his pistol.

Luckily, that did not need to happen as Germaine escaped through a narrow gap in their front door. That left Sam pointing his gun at nothing and a very distressed Charlotte who was only now noticing the squirming detached tail on the floor.

"What're you gonna do about that?" Sam asked pointing to the tail trying to act all tough as if he didn't just hit a high A-flat.

* * *

"Where's your child?" Melissa asked Paul on their way to work.

"Child?" he asked. "I don't have a child."

"Not an excuse." she responded. "Davidson said we must be creative."

"But you don't have a child." he said. "What are you doing?"

"Look behind ya, amigo."

Paul's face crinkled with surprise as he looked into the back seat. A bunch of potted plants were all seated in the back seat of her car with their little seatbelts on so they could be safe. But he did think that they were not fully safe. If they really were her children, and they are children, why don't they have car seats? He shook his head to stop imagining potted plants in children's car seats.

"Did you bring a jungle back there?" he said amazed. "I didn't even know you had that many."

"Sometimes a family isn't two parents and a child. Sometimes it's a single woman with a jungle in the backseat of her car."

"Aren't you dating that one cop?" he asked.

"Yeah we are but you don't need to know that." she said as she pulled into the company parking lot. She parked quite close to the elevator which she thanked the heavens for. She did not want to walk too far with a bunch of plants. "Help me with this, would you!" she tapped him on the arm so that he would know that he cannot escape.

"Alright."

* * *

Bring Your Child to Work day was not ideal in the office. In fact, it was one of the worst days for the IT department. According to Ted, it was "The fucking worst. No one can control their fucking kids and I'd have to fix another printer because some damn kid thought it would be fun to sit on it. Do you know who has to fix it? I have to fucking fix it!"

Bill covered Alice's ears as they walked over to the break room of the department which was the agreed-upon location for the kids to meet. 

But what he did see was a bunch of potted plants and a calico cat trying to ask the plants some questions.

"Dad, look! It's a cat!" she said walking over cautiously to the cat. The cat looked back up at her and Alice patted the top of its head.

"I guess so." Bill said. "Daddy's gonna be working for a bit so you just stay here, okay?" he then left her alone to mess around with a cat in the breakroom.

"Whose child is the cat?" Bill asked after leaving.

"Mine!" Mr. Davidson said. "That's Kevin."

"There's a cat in the breakroom?" Ted asked. "But I needed to get something in there."

"It's not illegal, Ted." Mr. Davidson said as Ted entered the breakroom.

He did not know what he was expecting to see other than a bunch of children and a broken printer (in a breakroom?) but seeing Alice messing around with Kevin melted the heart that he did not know existed. He went over to Alice and bent over a little so that they would be at eye-level if she chose to look at him.

"What d'ya got there?" he asked.

"It's a cat."

"Did you know her name is Kevin?"

"Kevin's a girl?" Alice asked looking more interested in Kevin.

"Yeah." he said. "Did you know that Kevin can fly?"

Alice looked at him with an expression of doubt. Ted nodded at her to show that he can make Kevin fly.

So he picked her up.

He picked her up in the way that if you were less than five feet tall, you would not see Ted barely holding on to Kevin. Alice practically got stars in her eyes with amusement as she watched Kevin float around the room until Ted put her down because he got tired and also because Kevin is quite the heavy old lady.

"Ted?" Paul entered the room interrupting whatever they had going on.

"Yeah?"

"What's your coffee order? I'm stopping by Beanies."

"Hi, Uncle Paul!"

"Hi, Alice."

"Three Chai Iced Teas then."

"Three?"

"What?" he asked. "They're my children for the day." he took a closer look at Paul. "Why do you have a watering can?"

"It's for Melissa's children."

"This jungle?"

"Yup." he said. "Anyways, Alice, how's that Minecraft village you're building?"

"It's good." she said returning to trying to pat Kevin on the top of her head.

"Have fun!" Paul said before leaving.

"Minecraft?" Ted said much too loudly. "Alice, what's Minecraft?"

Alice's eyes lit up for the second time today.

* * *

"Put it in the bag, I said put it in!" a man with a mask and a long grey sock was terrorizing Beanies this morning.

"Put what?" Emma asked. She did not have time to deal with this mugging but she did put her phone in the back room so she could not call the police if she wanted to.

"The money!" the man said. He looked more like he was cosplaying a robber rather than actually being a robber but Emma didn't want to take chances.

"Zoey!" she called out to the back. "Your boyfriend's here."

"My what?!" she went into the storefront. "I don't have a-" she stopped her sentence after seeing the man with a sock over his head and another in his hand fully expecting Emma to just hand over the money. "What the hell do you want?"

"Your money?" the man said getting confused.

"Just fuck off, man!" Zoey said to the man as he slowly made his way out of the cafe, sulking. "Why did you need me?" she asked Emma.

"You'd've fired me if I did that."

"No I won-" she looked up to see Paul next in line. She quickly left to get back to her work leaving Emma to see Paul with his grocery list and watering can.

"You're robbing us too?"

"Was he serious?"

"Yeah." she said as she took the list from him. "But he comes like every week so it's like no big deal. Also, what a list!" she checked through the list, which was definitely longer than it should have been. "Anything going wrong back there?"

"No, it's 'bring your child to work day'. That's why they're all showing off to their kids."

"Three chai iced teas? With different names on them?"

"Yup. Someone forgot their child so now they're getting the tea to be their kids."

"I'm assuming the watering can-"

"Is for someone else's kids yeah." he said. "I had to help her carry a jungle into the office."

"Cool." she said filling the watering can with water. "Sure you can bring this all back to the office? That's quite a bit of coffee."

"I think I can balance a chai iced tea on the top of my head if I tried hard enough." he made a little goofy smile and she laughed.

"I'll help you bring it back. Zoey can stand to do some work for the first time in her life anyways."

"Thank you." he said as they both went back into the office with all of their drinks.

* * *

"So is that a diamond?"

"That's coal, Mr. Ted." Alice said showing him the house that she was building. She made a little museum section so that she could teach her dad the difference between the things. Now, she was using it to teach Ted how to play.

"Is this your house?"

"Yes, it is." she said making her character walk around the house. She showed him every single element of her house from the bedroom to the kitchen to the fountain that she built.

"That's nice." he said taking in what he was seeing. There was no way a small child like her should be able to create anything to this degree but here we are.

Ted's awe was interrupted when Paul entered with his three chai iced teas with their different names on the side. They were Eduardo, Victor, and Terrence.

"Three boys?" Ted said reading the names on the sides of the cups.

"Also," He turned his attention to Alice. "Bill told me to order you a hot chocolate so you won't feel left out." Paul passed her the hot chocolate.

"Thank you." she said. She took a sip and then looked up at Ted. "Can we have a tea party?"

"Tea party?" Ted asked. He tilted his head in confusion instead of pure disgust and thought for a second. He shrugged.

"I don't see why not."

For the rest of the day, Ted did not do any work. This was because he was having a tea party with Alice. He seemed to be having a pretty good time as well, since he never left the breakroom unless he needed to pee. He sipped his chai iced tea with her and they both made some pretend gossip about some pretend people.

"Did you know Nathaniel wants to marry Tana?"

"Did I? I did not." he said taking a posh sip of his tea.

"Yeah, did you hear about what happened to Tana after?"

"Was she the one that got hit by a 14-wheeler car?"

"No, that's Daniella. Not Tana."

"Oh." Ted thought for a second. "What if they both got hit by 14-wheelers?"

"Oh?"

* * *

"Do you really have to walk me back to Beanies?"

"You never know if someone in there's planning to rob you again."

"He's not that serious." she said. "You just don't see him everyday."

"Right." he said.

They walked back to Beanies a little slower than how it should have been. They were both lost in thought and Paul wanted to break the silence.

"Are you seeing anyone?" he blurted out suddenly. He silently cursed himself for saying that.

"Bold move, Paul."

"I know." he said stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking down while walking.

"But I'm not seeing anyone right now." she said looking at him, hoping that he would take a hint.

"Well, there's a pizza place that you might want to go to."

"Papa Louie's?" she asked. "Didn't that close down?"

"It did." he said. "But the restaurant's open for the next week just to sell out all of his inventory."

"What's the point of closing for a while then?"

"He needed a little break." he said.

"You know a lot about the guy, huh?"

"I do." he said. "Do you maybe want to go there for dinner sometime?"

"Sure." she said. "Just call me." she tapped on his pocket where his phone was and he gave her his cellphone. She quickly typed her phone number onto it. As soon as she finished, they arrived at Beanies.

"I guess you're here now." he told her.

"I guess I am." she looked at him.

"Have fun?" he did not really know what to say.

"Call me." she said before going back to work.

* * *

Charlotte went home and threw her things down onto the couch and quickly went to her bedroom to get her pajamas on. She opened her drawer then immediately shut it when she saw a lizard with no tail, shivering and wearing her bra like a pair of wings.

When the initial shock vanished, she slowly opened it again and looked back at the lizard. She put her hand out to it and tried her best not to flinch when it scurried onto her hand.

"Germaine, how did you get in here?" she asked softly. "It must have been cold in there." she said putting him on the bed as she got dressed. She stared at him the whole time to make sure that Germaine was not looking at her.

When she finished she picked him up and brought him to the living room and placed him on the couch.

"You might as well just stay here." she put on a show and watched it until Sam came up and alerted her by his yelling.

"CHARLOTTE, WHAT I GERMAINE DOING IN THE HOUSE?" he asked.

"It's too cold outside so I decided to keep him here."

"I don't understand!" he yelled. "You told me to get rid him! Why's he on your lap?"

"He kinda grew on me, Sam." she lightly patted the top of his head. "This is the first good idea you've had in a while."

"Is it?" he asked trying to hide how proud he is of himself. He dramatically plopped down next to her and patted Germaine's head.

"Thank you, little guy." he said to the lizard without a tail.


	9. Chapter 9

"Carol, dear." Ken entered their shared bedroom trying to hide his excitement by grinning like a crazy person.

"What is it?" She looked up from the work that she decided would have been a good idea had she done it on their bed but then quickly realized what a mistake she had made. None of her work was going to be finished anytime soon but that just meant her students would have to skip their song about 'stranger danger' this week.

"Don't you think you're forgetting something?" he asked, waiting for her to get the message. He perked up his eyebrows as if it helped.

"It's not our anniversary anytime soon is it?" she asked.

"No, it's not." he said, trying to hide how offended he was by slightly sucking in his cheeks. "Do you want to try again?"

"Either of our birthdays?" she tried again. She popped on over to another tab on her computer revealing their family Google Calendar. But anything she wanted to see was covered by the mountain of reminders that both of them required for every task.

"No." he said peeking over at her 'work' then looking up at her after he caught her checking on their calendar "You can't cheat." he playfully tapped her on the arm.

"Well," she sighed "As you can see, I'm swamped at the moment. So maybe that's why I don't know."

"It's Kevin's birthday!" he exclaimed. "She's turning ten this weekend."

"That little old lady," she remarked as she realized her mistake. "I can't believe I forgot."

"Neither can I," he said. "So I kind of have an idea as to what we can do to celebrate."

"What is it?" she asked. "Are you letting her get into the closet?" she said. "Because that's always a fun idea."

"My nice shirt did not deserve to be her new blanket." he said referring to the one and only time that he wanted to tell Kevin off for being not the best cat. "It ain't got nothing on the time she knocked her food on the floor for the millionth time because she wanted to hear how it sounded as it toppled towards the ground."

They both nodded knowingly. This was not an easy task. She was getting older so her taste has gotten more refined and neither of her parents wanted to make a mistake for such a monumental event.

A lightbulb seemingly lit up in Ken’s head.

“I have an idea!”

* * *

“Charlotte, are you doing anything?” Melissa asked. Charlotte hurriedly closed a Flickr tab containing more than a few images of cats. They were of all types of cats; from the tiny kittens to the meanest looking cats she had ever seen. But one thing was for sure: she was not doing any work.

“Nothing important.” she said. “What do you need?”

“I need some babysitting for the weekend.” she said. “I have some needy babies and I think you’re responsible enough.”

“Are you sure about that?” she asked. “I’m not sure Sam would appreciate-”

“He wouldn’t,” she said. “But I do know that he’s not going to be in this weekend.” Ted, who was in the next cubicle silently pumped his fist in excitement. Melissa looked over but he hid his joy quite well.

“H-how would you know that?” Charlotte stammered. “Sam said he would be at home this weekend.“

Melissa seethed and thought of a tame reason her husband would not be at home. “Change of plans, I guess. Doug told me about a little trip he was bragging about.”

“No problem.” she said before sighing. “It’s not like I have anyone to keep me company this weekend.”

Ted swallowed to keep from talking.

“Thank you so much!” she said, plopping down a little binder on her desk without noticing Charlotte’s reaction to her husband’s absence. “This is all you need to know about them. It’s also kinda private so I would appreciate it if you would not show the contents to anyone else.” She then left to return to her work.

Ted not so subtly looked on over to Charlotte’s desk and raised an eyebrow. Charlotte shook her head. She reopened her tab and went back to her noble duty as a citizen to look at pictures of kittens on a machine that can easily power the Apollo 11 mission.

“So you’re saying you’re free for the weekend, huh?” Ted asked, smirking slightly.

“No, Ted,” she said. “If you were listening, I will be babysitting this weekend.”

Ted leaned back in his chair. “Come on, this is Melissa we’re talking about. They’re probably cats or something,” he said. “I don’t think they’d be that bothered if you know what I’m sayin’.”

“Ted, I’d love it if we didn’t do this right now.” she said before opening the binder to distract herself, only to be greeted by an Instagram handle.

“The gro-?” she thought. “The ‘Growmanovs’? Is this a joke?” she opened to the next page.

_The Growmanovs (Get it? It’s a pun at the end of the Russian aristocracy! The Romanovs but they’re my children where there are also four daughters and a son who will most definitely take my place after my time even though some of them have medical conditions.)_

“A medical condition?” she thought. “Oh my god, I wouldn’t have thought they’d have issues.”

Luckily, the next pages were filled with colored doodles of plants, where they were labeled with their names and bullet-pointed lists detailing information regarding their maintenance and their most important milestones.

Ted tried to take a peek from his desk but Charlotte shut the binder.

“Confidential.” she said as she returned her gaze to her screen.

* * *

“Ken, do you have any idea where Kevin is?” Carol entered their bedroom while getting dressed.

“I actually have no idea.” he said as he continued to straighten his tie. “Have you checked the top of the fridge? You know how she likes to be tall.”

She chuckled. “Much like someone else I know.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, giving up on his tie. “I can’t fit on top of the fridge.”

“Of course, you can’t,” she said. “You’ve already tried especially when Kevin was a bit more limber.”

**When Kevin was a bit more limber**

“You know I can’t get in there, right?” Ken asked Carol with concern coating his tone. She looked back at him in a way that said ‘You can obviously fit there’. “You can’t possibly be thinking-”

“You’re right.” she said. “You can’t do it at all.” she assessed the situation that occurred at the top of the fridge. “I guess that’s what you get for trying to buy her a bed. Look at her, sticking it to the man.”

She saw a bit of color enter Ken’s face. “You know what? You’re right.” he said. “I’m getting up there. I’d love for her to try her present at least once.” he took off to their dining room and reentered the kitchen with a chair in tow. He took off his shoes and took to his target way too high for him to make eye contact with. He cursed the tall and skinny refrigerator that they found when they were first moving in together. But then he looked up and made eye contact with the reason he was up here anyway.

Kevin.

She looked uncomfortable on the top unsure of the power the extra height gave her. Ken extended his arms to grab her but she backed away further making it impossible for him to reach her even when standing on his toes.

“Carol, dear.” Ken said, clearly annoyed. “I think I have to get on top.”

“Be careful.” she said as he hopped and ended up on the top of the refrigerator to pick Kevin up when he was pressed with another problem.

How was he going to get down?

* * *

“I particularly disliked how you needed the mattress to get down.” Carol said.

“Was I supposed to leap down with our daughter?” he said before letting out a little yelp of surprise when a light tap hits the back of his calf. “Oh, there you are.”

“There’s the birthday girl.” Carol said. “So what’s the plan?”

“You’ll see.” he said.

“You think I’ll like it?”

“You know it’s Kevin’s birthday, right?”

* * *

“So if absolutely anything goes wrong-”

“You can just call me. You have my number, right?” Melissa said.

“I think.” Charlotte said. “Have fun tonight.”

“Oh, I will.” she said. “I better get going.” and then she left Charlotte alone in her apartment.

She loitered around the living room (aptly named the ‘living room’ given that is the only room in the house that had anything living in it as directly quoted from the binder page 14 section 1 labeled ‘Locations of my children and also why’) and found nothing to do other than pull out her phone to check her messages. Maybe she would get a cute text from Sam about what they would be doing together soon for the first time ever. But when she opened them, she saw a single message from Ted asking her to call him.

So she did.

“Hey,” Ted began. “What the hell’re you doin’?”

“I’m at Melissa’s house.” she said. “I’m busy watching her kids if you know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t at all.” Ted said. “You know if you don’t wanna hang out with me you can just say so, right?”

“It’s not that at all, Ted.” she said.

“Then what is it?” he asked. “I’ll be there in a second to _help out_.”

She sighed slightly when she heard his eyebrows go up while speaking “As I said, I’m at her house.”

“And I know her address,” he said. “I’ll be there in a second, love you.”

“Love you too, Ted.”

And then he hung up leaving her alone again. She decided to look over for some interesting reading material but all she had was the binder so she started reading to give her some entertainment for the time being. Ted should really not be trying to find Melissa’s address just to see her, right? But she also knew that he was going to go to Melissa’s house and there would be no stopping it.

She turned to looking out at Melissa’s pride and joy which apparently came in the form of some plants. But while she was getting antiquated by their presence and their individual personalities, a loud rapping came from the door.

“Who is it?” Charlotte gently asked the door.

“It’s me, Charlotte,” Ted yelled from the other side of the door. “Let me in, please.”

Because of his politeness, Charlotte opened the door allowing him to enter. He took a look around the apartment as if he was inspecting this and Charlotte did not quite appreciate this.

“What are you looking for?” she asked. “Now that you came here in record time. Did you break any laws speeding your little tush here?”

“None that I know of.” he said moving closer to Charlotte, enough for it to be perceived as flirty. “We can’t have your husband finding out, can we?”

Charlotte, surprised by his lack of flirting skills, instinctively flinched at the mention of her husband. “I’m afraid we can’t.” she said gesturing to Melissa’s living room where she was meant to stay while she watched over her house. “Mind if we go somewhere more private? You know, so the neighbors won’t raise any suspicions.”

Ted scowled at the idea of being alone with Charlotte and having his pants on so he followed her to the living room and stood at the door frame for a second before going in.

“What?” Charlotte asked.

“It’s just that I forgot Melissa had a whole fuckin’ jungle in her house.”

Charlotte chuckled a little. “Oh, those are the _children_ if you know what I mean?”

“And here I was imagining little shits running around her apartment for some reason.” he said and he continued speaking after seeing Charlotte’s slightly confused expression. “I know she’s not the mothering type but you know what I mean, right?”

“I know what you mean.” she said noticing how he has gotten quite flustered since arriving at the apartment.

“At least now I can tell you how much I fucking want you right now.” he pulling her into his arms. Charlotte, using her weight as leverage drops the two of them onto Melissa’s couch. Luckily, given the unnecessary amount of themed pillows on the sofa, they sadly had to absorb the impact.

Charlotte, taking this as a cue to flirt with him in the privacy of her co worker's home, started tracing parts of Ted’s face randomly as she was in his arms. “But I wouldn’t want to disturb the _children_ Ted. That would be so _irresponsible_ of me.”

Ted’s face quickly turns from a face of wanting to something else entirely. “Charlotte, what the fuck?“

“But I-”

“Please don’t mention kids when we’re about to fuck.” he said. “It feels weird.”

“Well, let me think of something better.” she tried to think of something sexier to say. ”I wonder how _disappointed_ Melissa would be if she found out we made love in her house nonetheless, on her own couch on her own living room.”

Ted shook his head.

“Is it not better?”

“Not at all. I just said we couldn’t talk about kids if you know what I mean.” Ted said while scrunching his nose all weirdly. “Can we just get to-”

Charlotte interrupted him with a kiss. When she pulled away, she raised an eyebrow at him and he knew exactly what was going to happen next.

* * *

“We have all the time in the world today so you can take your time, dear.” Ken said to his cat, the birthday girl, Kevin.

Carol was not too sure about this birthday party idea but it seemed fun. Get Kevin to pick something out from the pet store to replace the small block of wood that she loved to tip over from time to time.

So they browsed and browsed and she slowly grew concerned as time passed because of both how long they have been staying in the shop and also how she knows that Ken would probably have some bizarre activity in mind for them to do. But he was so happy so she let him be. Kevin seemed to be enjoying her time too, perusing the shelves for the most interesting thing she could knock down over and over until the end of time.

“Carol, honey!” Ken called her into another aisle, grinning. “I think we found her birthday present.”

He led her down the aisle until she found Kevin intently tapping at a little cow stuffed animal and she laughed a little seeing the intense focus her cat had studying this new toy.

“Is this the one?” he asked.

“For sure.” she said. “After paying are we-”

“We’re going to the park.” he said. “It’s been a while you know? Since we had a family outing to the park if you know what I mean since you’re busy with school and everything.”

Carol nodded and they both went to the checkout line to quickly pay for the toy (after some careful cajoling to let Kevin part with the stuffed animal for enough seconds to pay for it).

The whole family went out of the pet shop and went into their car and Ken drove to a nearby park that they used to frequent more often in their younger days.

“We’re here.” he said before making loving eye contact with his wife. “Just like old times.”

“Wanna bet our spot’s still there?” she asked as she got Kevin and Ken got a little picnic blanket from the back of the car.

“I don’t think anyone can cut that tree down without a permit.” he said as they walked into the large gates and beelined for a largeish tree a distance away from the entrance.

“Just like old times.” Carol said, admiring the tree with a large horizontal gash in it.

**Old Times**

“What do you mean cats can’t play frisbee?” Ken said waving a disc around while Kevin seemed to be unable to care less about the disc.

“I mean that cats don’t have thumbs.” Carol said petting Kevin. “I think you’re wasting your time.”

Kevin left Carol’s grasp and was interested in what Ken was doing.

“See! I told you!” he said before hurling the frisbee at full force into the tree leaving it in the trunk. “Oh no.”

Carol gasped but quickly went to pull out the disc from the tree and successfully did so, however, left a gash in the tree trunk. She made eye contact with Ken as soon as she saw a park ranger that thought they were being a pair of hoodlums. “We have to go.”

Kevin, ever the adventurer, went closer to the man despite the little fear on the Davidsons’ faces.

“What do you think you’re doing, Kev?” Ken said as he tried to back away from the spot. “Come here, buddy. We have to go home.” But this talking was not helping in the slightest. The man was too interesting and he seemed like a nice surface to hit.

“Oh hey there little guy-”

So Kevin (not a guy) leaped onto the man’s face with her little claws earning a yelp from the park ranger.

**Currently**

“Luckily, there isn’t anyone here to upset Kevin or the tree.” Ken said sitting in the shade of the tree next to his wife.

“You’re right.” she said. “I don’t think that little cow plushie could damage anything.” she looked closer at the plush with Kevin. She was messing around with her new friend and showing the toy around her favorite parts of the park like the bench in the shade and the other bench that is also in the shade and how could she forget, the bench in the _sun_.

Carol then thought for a second. “Have you come up with a name for the toy?”

Ken looked up as if words were written in the sky before settling with a name. “How about ‘Moo’?”

Carol scoffed. “What kind of a name is that?”

“It’s Moo’s name.”


End file.
